A Note to the Grads

It’s graduation weekend at the school where I work (also my alma mater), as it is at colleges and universities across the country. It’s the time when I get the most nostalgic and wistful. It’s not that I wish I could do it over; I don’t. But I am incredibly jealous of this moment for all of them.

This moment, more than any that is to come, is a moment of anticipation. A moment of transition. A moment when so many choices lie before them. And while it is the absolute height of privilege to say things like, “go follow your dreams” or “do what you love,” as if student loans and family caretaking and other responsibilities do not exist, this moment has me thinking about the advice I would give to these grads, if I were asked to do so (and thankfully, due to my day job, I’m actually asked quite frequently to do so).

Pay more attention to who you are than what you do. You will be asked, more times than you will be able to count, for the rest of your life, “What do you do?” It’s a lazy question, and an easy way for others to put a label on you. “Oh, you’re a consultant.” Or, “Oh, you’re a teacher.” Check. I now know everything I need to know about you. Except, of course, you know that isn’t true. What really defines you is who you are: the things you are willing to stand up for, the alignment between your beliefs and your actions, the ways that you treat other people. These things transcend any role, organization, or industry. If you are going to go deep into anything, make it that.

Figure out your non-negotiables. And on that note, take some time to figure out those core beliefs, now, so that you don’t have to figure them out when they really matter. It’s easy enough to say, “I believe in integrity,” but what does that look like in practice? What does that look like when your manager asks you to do something that feels a tiny bit unethical? What does that look like when you see someone else being poorly treated, even if it benefits you? Figure out your non-negotiables, now. These things should be your north star, in your career and your life.

The world is not your oyster. And that’s ok. You’ve probably gotten a lot of advice that sounds like, “You can do anything you want to do if you try hard enough.” Really? I one hundred percent disagree. Can you paint? If you try hard enough could you be a painter with a painting hanging in one of the world’s best museums? Can you run? If you tried hard enough could you be an Olympic marathon gold medalist?

Don’t conflate effort with talent, intelligence, or ability. The truth is, you need all those things. And, on top of it, you need desire and interest. And this is a good thing! One of the best things you can do when in comes to career and life decision-making is to take some options off the table. You can’t, don’t want to, and aren’t remotely qualified to do a lot of things. Great. Now what can you do, what do you want to do, and what are you qualified to do? Start there.

If there is something that feels like passion, lean into it. Not everyone has something they could name as a “passion” and that is totally ok. You can, in fact, just go get a job and do it well and build a terrifically awesome life for yourself. But if there is something, it’s worth exploring what that might look like as an occupation. I vividly remember telling someone my senior year in college, “What I really want to do is write, but no one is going to give me money to just go do that.” And while that was true – I do not come from a family of financial wealth – I do regret not exploring that desire a bit more. I never abandoned it, obviously, I’m still working on that writing passion now. And, I’m glad to have ended up in a role that allows me to do a lot of writing for work. But I wish I had leaned into that passion a bit more at 21 than I did.

Find your people. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, you will never be successful without a solid group of people to support you on your path. Some of these will look like mentors and wise counselors. Some will be deep friendships. Some will be acquaintances, there for a brief period of time then gone again. They all matter. Invest in your people as much as you invest in your career goals. You will never be successful in the latter without the former.

Lastly, don’t forget to have fun! You’ve worked incredibly hard to get to this moment, and it is an important one. Work does require a particular level of seriousness and gravitas. Life requires a certain level of focus and accountability. But it’s supposed to be fun. Maybe not “I’m a college student without obligations or attachments” fun. But here’s the secret no one tells you: You’re an adult now, and that means you get to choose how you show up in your own life. So, choose wisely. And if something isn’t working, make a different choice. Make an informed choice, with intention. You have everything you need to move forward, right now.